


insomnia

by rangerhitomi



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Insomnia, Kai is gay and conflicted, M/M, Pining, Platonic Bed Sharing, initially, non-established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23541496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerhitomi/pseuds/rangerhitomi
Summary: Kai is awake at an ungodly hour in the morning when Aichi unconsciously starts snuggling him in his sleep.
Relationships: Kai Toshiki/Sendou Aichi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82





	insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> I can't sleep so that means Kai can't sleep either. That's how this works, right? It's also short because insomnia doesn't mean productivity! Ah, life.

The clock on the bedside table reads 3:43 and Kai is still awake. 

He wishes, not for the first time, that his bed wasn't against the wall so he could climb in and out of it without waking Aichi. Then again, what he would even be able to do in his little studio apartment that  _ also _ wouldn't wake him has  _ also _ crossed his mind, so he keeps himself perfectly still and watches Aichi sleep instead.

Aichi is not a light sleeper, nor is he a heavy one, but somewhere in between; he is deeply immersed in his dreams, be they nightmares or pleasantries, and he reacts to them accordingly. Legs twitch and kick, his face contorts and softens. He sighs, he groans, he whimpers, and sometimes he talks, though it’s rarely fully coherent. When he sleeps, he's at his most vulnerable, and Kai is one of the lucky few who has been able to witness this raw vulnerability in every form from fear to peace.

He doesn't know if Aichi is truly aware of how much Kai has learned about him from watching him sleep, but he doesn't want to bring it up in case this blessed arrangement ceases because of it.

They haven't really talked about it,  _ them,  _ not properly; they've only gotten as far as sharing Kai's bed when Aichi stays over too late playing Vanguard and doesn't have school the next day. Oh, they've cuddled in the bed a few times--it's too small a bed to avoid touching each other for long--but it's been because of Aichi latching onto Kai in his sleep and Kai being unable to pry him away without waking him. It's no different than the myriad of times Miwa had done the same thing (except Miwa also snored and stole Kai's blanket, neither of which, mercifully, Aichi did), except it… is, really, because Kai is hopelessly in love with Aichi, and not just in the friend kind of way that all of this could easily  _ be, _ and even though he _thinks_ Aichi might _possibly_ feel the same, he can't be sure, and therefore, he has to settle for this pathetic longing . 

His chest burns. He forces down a lump forming in his throat. 

Aichi sighs and half-nestles his face in his pillow. Contentment washes over his face; he smiles and moves his hand to the edge of the pillow, squeezing and unsqueezing it with the same kind of nervous slowness Aichi usually grips things when embarrassed. 

Kai watches. He can tell it’s not an unpleasant dream by Aichi’s expression. But just as he wonders what Aichi is doing with his hand does Aichi reach out and clumsily drop his hand on Kai’s cheek.

The shock of the entire situation doesn’t come from Aichi flopping his hand on Kai’s face; Miwa does it all the time and Kai usually just grunts and pushes it away. No, it’s what comes  _ after  _ that causes Kai to freeze up, and that would be Aichi’s thumb stroking Kai’s cheekbone. Slowly. Gently. 

Kai bites his lower lip to keep from drawing a sharp inhale, about the only part of him that will do his bidding. His own hands are drawn tight to his chest, his legs are numb, and he struggles to control his breathing. The lip he’s biting quivers. 

_ What is he doing? _

(Somewhere in the depths of Kai’s panicked mind is the faint hope that Aichi is dreaming about him.)

Aichi’s unconsciously intimate gesture takes a drastic turn when his thumb stops stroking Kai’s cheek and his hand slides back into Kai’s hair.

Kai can’t help but let out a gasp; it’s all he can do, with Aichi moving his body closer, to whisper Aichi’s name, his voice strangled. 

_Kai-kun,_ Aichi whispers back, and his face is so close now, and Kai has to do something or, or, or--

Ever since Link Joker, and the Void, and Aichi’s disappearance, Kai has often dreamed of what he wants his first kiss with Aichi to be like; they’re all different--after a cardfight, walking home together in the rain as they share an umbrella, stargazing, on a beach--but each time, he initiates it after being absolutely certain it’s what Aichi wants, too. He  _ wants  _ it, and oh god does he  _ want  _ it, but not like this, not when there’s a very real chance Aichi  _ doesn’t _ . Just because he’s whispering Kai’s name and touching his face and stroking his hair doesn't mean anything, and, and, he's--

_ He’s asleep, he doesn’t know what he’s doing _

\--their faces are so close together now that Kai can feel Aichi’s warm breath on his lips, and Aichi’s bangs tickle Kai’s cheek.

Adrenaline finally overcomes the paralyzing fear, and he manages to wrap his left arm around Aichi’s shoulders and redirect his upward trajectory toward Kai’s chest instead. 

His heart pounds against Aichi’s cheek. Can’t Aichi hear it? It’s so loud, surely the thudding must be able to wake him… 

Aichi sighs into Kai’s shirt and snuggles his face into it, much the same as he was doing to the pillow, and wraps his own arm around Kai’s waist. Kai tries and fails to suppress a dry, pathetic sobbing noise.

Is this just Aichi’s innocently curious dream, something that high school boys dream about because of hormones, or is it his own fantasy of kissing Kai, Kai _specifically_ , that just so happened to occur as he shared Kai’s bed in what was supposedly an innocent and platonic way? Is this something Kai should acknowledge at some point or pretend never happened so he can continue to long for Aichi’s enduring companionship in the safety of his own head? 

He bites his lip again and allows himself to lift his hand into Aichi’s hair. A small concession.

The clock on the bedside table reads 3:59 and Kai won’t be sleeping tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> I read all my comments but I'm very bad at replying to them, just know that I appreciate every one of them and I'm a little easier to talk to on twitter (rangerhitomi).


End file.
